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I have been fond of The Atlantic for years. I consider it a slightly left of center publication that does a fantastic job writing complex articles that are based on valid research and expert analysis. Then I came across this article in the most recent edition of The Atlantic. This opinion piece published under the subheading of IDEAS was written by Ben Appel.

Ben Appel is a New York based writer who is best known for his gender-critical memoir, Cis White Gay: The Making of a Gender Heretic. Ben Appel is a gay man and a noted transphobe. Appel is a vocal participant in many anti-trans forums from Genspect, a SPLC-designated hate group, to his gender-critical podcast of 2024,  Informed Dissent. Based on information provided by Transgender Map written and curated by Andrea James, Appel seems to think that his more feminine traits during his childhood would in today’s circumstances cause the medical community to force him to transition. Appel has stated, “I, like a lot of other LGB (and some trans) people, believe that many children and some adolescents presenting at gender clinics today would likely desist and grow up to be gay, lesbian, or bisexual if they were given proper emotional support. In other words, in many cases, the medicalization of “trans kids” might actually be the medicalization of homosexuality.”

Thus, we have a known transphobe, gender-critical, gay man writing about his dislike of transgender ideas and the need for transgender erasure in one of the most academically rigorous magazines for the general population. How are we as transgender individuals supposed to take this article.

First, I would hope, that his article does not reflect the feelings of The Atlantic in general but just the opinions and beliefs of the writer. I also hope that The Atlantic published this article is some vain belief that they were covering both sides of a debate. However, when an argument is made about transgender people receiving medical care or their beliefs about their identities without talking to any transgender people, physicians, psychologists, or even referencing peer-reviewed literature, the unbalanced approach of this article in The Atlantic is more telling. Major professional organizations like the American Medical Association, American Academy of Pediatrics, and the Endocrine Society have all issued statements supporting gender-affirming care for minors and adults. Ben Appel opinion exaggerates a scenario that research sourced from these institutions suggests is relatively uncommon. Gay kids, fem boys, and masc girls are not forced or coerced into transitioning. There are so many gatekeepers (psychologists, physicians, and clinics themselves) to receiving transgender care, children and youth are more often pressured to not transition or to wait to transition until they have already passed puberty.

The evidence that no one would force Ben Appel to transition if he were a child today is the recent statistics on people who detransition. If children and young adults were routinely forced to transition, we would expect a high number of people detransitioning later in life. However, recent studies from Advocates for Trans Equality and other large meta-studies put detransition rates at approximately 1%. In addition, many of those who did detransition did so because of family or social pressure. Thus, the entire basis of this article is proved false. Ben Appel, doesn’t allow that just like sexuality, gender is not a choice. Appel, a gay man, would surely agree that sexuality is not a choice, but would vehemently deny that gender is not a choice, either. Appel doesn’t seem to understand that if he, as a child, still thought of himself as a boy, no one would force him to change his gender.

In the end, I can emotionally understand one man’s bigotry against trans individuals. What I can’t understand is how The Atlantic Magazine’s allowed Ben Appel to frame trans issues. Appel’s article and the publication of this article reinforce conflict framing of transgender people and transgender issues. I would suggest that all trans people are tired of magazines, journals, politicians, etc. treating trans people as a legal controversy, a political issue that must be solved, or a culture war debate with transgender individuals as the pawns of these games. Transgender people are seen not as people living lives but as a problem for society to argue about. This article reinforces the constant argument about trans existence. Do transgender people have the right to exist in society or not? This most recent article by The Atlantic would suggest: no.

Living masked in a gendered world

So much of who I am can be placed at the feet of my gender and sexual identity. When I was a kid in the 1980s, I remember watching the political and street fights occurring in the San Francisco area regarding gay rights and HIV prevention. Every night a news anchor would terrify us with death statistics, ways gay people were a danger to society, and how AIDS would kill us all.

I bought into this belief because I was still just a kid, and no one explained anything different. When you live in a small, rural town outside the Bay Area, access to gay lives was not a daily event. We talked about gay men and only gay men in school, because the school administration decided gay men were the threat to the societal health and the physical health of the community. Lesbians were never considered, nor were bisexual, or transgender persons. LGBTQ+ at that time was just G. I only knew one gay boy at school, and he only stayed one semester. To me, everyone else in school was straight and cis, since that’s how they presented. Thus, I was the odd man out because I was a gender non-conforming ‘girl’. Almost every week, someone, whether it was a student or teacher would have a talk with me about my seemingly masculine behavior and dress.

“Wear a dress!”

“Boys will never find you attractive.”

“Sit with your legs together!”

“Don’t be so opinionated. Boys don’t like that”.

It was a never-ending barrage of advice and criticism that started in elementary school, ramped up in junior high, and stayed that way until college.

In high school, I made an effort to try and ‘girl’ correctly. I decided to put on a cisgender, straight ‘girl’ mask and be ‘normal’. However, I didn’t have a rule book to even know how to begin. I followed along with my friends, and if I had the energy, I would do what they did: bought the right kind of clothes, listened to the correct music, etc. But in the process of going through high school, I was slowly killing myself. I felt like I was disappearing into the walls, becoming invisible behind my mask. Strangely, because I ended up feeling so badly about myself, I actually wanted to disappear. I wore this invisible ‘girl’ mask to school every day. It was a badly performed mask, but it was the best I could do. But that mask ate at my authenticity and self-esteem. I spent the last two years of high school feeling like I was floating through a bad dream rather than living life. I did what was expected of me; I got good grades, teachers liked me though rarely remembered me since I was nearly invisible, I participated in school and friend activities as needed. I hated the whole experience.

What I taught myself that day before freshmen year started when I purposely put on the mask, was that I was not good enough as I was, that I needed to change to gain acceptance and friends, especially the attention of boys. However, by putting on this mask I achieved nothing good. When I had friends, I didn’t feel they knew the real me. When I finally got the attention of boys, I couldn’t understand what they saw in me. The mask hid me so well, that by the end of freshmen year, I didn’t even know what I wanted or needed anymore. Who was attractive? Who was a healthy friend? Were my behaviors appropriate enough (they weren’t). So in the end, I poorly hid my gender non-conformity, but effectively hid myself from the entire world, even myself.

It has taken years to overcome this shame society and me gave to myself. It took just an instance to put on the mask, but decades of work to take it back off. In fact, I didn’t come out as transgender and gay until I was 48 years old. I had better self-knowledge of my gender at 8 years old then I did at 20 years old. Years of hiding who I was out of fear of what others would think or fear that I would die of HIV crippled my inner self. The mask I put on before my freshman year ate any attempt I had at being a real human being. It consumed my attention, my active joy, my self-esteem, and nearly my very life. I lost the ability to fight for myself and see myself as a person deserving of love, autonomy, and happiness.

Today I see kids in this very hostile political climate stand up to society and peer pressure to be themselves. With the help of their families, friends, and support groups, these kids are seeing the joy and vibrancy in life that I missed out on because of fear. I am jealous of them and so happy for them in equal measure. Being the gender they are and being supported in achieving their gender is a profoundly hopeful way to live. And, guess what? These kids will get a chance to live an authentic more joyful life than I did. Will it be perfect? Of course not. But it will be real, they will be real, and that will make all the difference in their lives.

Trump’s authoritarian take over of America in an ongoing process. To fight it is like trying to drink water from a fire hose. And yet, we must. Everyone, even those who are MAGA, will find themselves in dire circumstances if Trump ever succeeds in turning the USA into Russia or Hungary. Though we have been far from a perfect county even before Trump (capitalism, racism, lack of health care, oligarchic tendencies, etc.), we have had some privileges from having our Bill of Rights and a Supreme Court that took pains to maintain those rights. But the Supreme Court has let us down and some of our elected officials just roll over for Trump. So to remind people that their very rights are on the line, that, though not perfect, we are a much better country than Trump shows, Lea County Pride takes to the streets. If people in Lea County see that there are others that care about the state of the USA, maybe they, too, will step up to call their representatives, sign petitions, and most importantly, vote.

On August 23rd, 2025, Lea County Pride organized a “Bring the Heat” protest to keep Lea County aware of the dangers Trump and his policies. It is August and hot, but we were there.

Come join us for the next one!

Here are some photos of the Bring the Heat protest in Hobbs, New Mexico.

Happy birthday to one of Lea County Pride’s founders, David Raines. David left us much too soon. We miss you, mate. RIP

Deb then answered questions from the audience. It was obvious that Deb does not yet have a cohesive plan for the future, but since the election in more than a year away, that is expected.

There were a few things that occurred during her speech that those from Lea County Pride might find interesting.

1. Deb, as a mother of a trans child, is very pro-LGBTQ+ and will do all in her power to keep LGBTQ people in New Mexico safe and protect our rights to fair and equitable treatment in all facets of our lives.
2. Deb also expressed interest in talking to Lea County Pride via Zoom to discuss our needs and concerns with her.
3. Clayburn Griffin, the Vice-Chair of the Democratic Party of Lea County and a member of Lea County Pride, noticed that somewhere between a third and a half of the people who attended Deb’s talk were members of Lea County Pride. In fact, it seems that a majority of active members of the DPLC are of the LGBTQ+ community. How cool is that?!

If you are interested in learning more about Deb’s run for governor of New Mexico for the Democratic Party, check out her website here.

Finally, here are a couple of pictures of Lea County Pride members taken with Deb at the event.

July 5th was our annual Lea County Pride BBQ and Swim Day. This year, we decided to add an end-of-the-day fire pit. Although the day was warm, everyone had a good time either playing in the pool, hanging out with friends, or both. This year the BBQ decided to die on us, so everything had to be cooked inside. No matter; the food was good. Thank you to everyone who brought food, helped decorate, and take down the party. You rock!

Here are a few pictures of members chilling around the fire at the end of the party.

Sam, Emma, Matt, Polly

Jackson

Today, May 24th, 2025, Lea County Pride held an art day at City Park in Hobbs. Sam did a fantastic job of organizing the day, and everyone who attended had fun. Some people made paintings, while others created bracelets. Drinks were served to keep people cool and hydrated. Maybe we’ll do this again soon?!